


Misplacement

by milesofregrets



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Alternate Universe - The Good Place (TV) Fusion, Canon Backstory, Canon compliant for the most part, F/F, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mostly just fun times, Multiple chapters, Rated teen for swearing, The Good Place (TV) Spoilers, blupjeans, lots of swearing because Taako is in it, no dogs in the good place sorry magnus, some Taakitz fluff, taakitz, the good place AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milesofregrets/pseuds/milesofregrets
Summary: When Taako wakes up, he is not where he's supposed to be.Why does he know this?Everyone keeps telling him he's in heaven, and he knows fairly certainly, based on what kinds of people surround him, he was not meant to go to heaven.After some convincing, panicking and threatening, his soulmate, Kravitz, reluctantly agrees to help him become a better person, and so ensues a wandering tripwire maze of Taako desperately trying to make himself belong, his two frazzled neighbors asking more questions than they should, and the whole afterlife being flipped upside down, because nobody here is who they claim they are.But everything will work out one day, after all.Because this is The Good Place!And everything is fine.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Carey Fangbattle/Killian, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch & Taako, The Director | Lucretia & Everyone, The Director | Lucretia & Taako
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. Waking Up

Taako opened his eyes.  
He had done this many times.  
More often than not, he would open them blearily, to the beat of a pounding headache and a raging hangover.  
Sometimes he would open them to see stars across the open sky above, only to be buffeted by hail and freezing wind, and he would curse and find the next place to settle.  
Occasionally, very rarely, he would open them to the sight of a softly lit ceiling, to cotton bedsheets and a soft place to land.  
On this particular day, (morning? night? He couldn't tell), Taako opened his eyes to see something strange. Large, green, blocky letters standing out from a cream-colored wall that read,  
"Welcome! Everything is fine."  
Taako blinked a few times.  
It most certainly was not.  
He closed his eyes, opened them again.  
Nothing changed.  
He rubbed his face.  
Nothing changed.  
Taako began to worry.  
But before he could gather any more information, get his bearings at all, a calm, chiming voice called him from the doorway to his left.  
"Taako? Come on in."  
He turned quickly to see a tall human woman, looking to be about in her 50's, with dark skin, snow white hair and a crisp suit. She wore a soft smile and a pleasant expression as she leaned against the door that Taako, under all other circumstances, would not trust for a second. But there was something about this place where he just felt... safe? It was as if he was under some Calm Emotions spell, and he began to wonder if that was indeed the case, his mind rushing furiously. And then. That wonder, slowly but surely, started to... fade. It fizzed up, like a wave, then gently bubbled down, spreading a warmth through his body and before he knew it his legs were marching him up from a couch he did not remember sitting in forward to meet this stranger.  
She put her hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture, leading him into a wide office, with a mahogany desk and several strategically placed houseplants. This room, unlike the other, had windows, and Taako eagerly looked outside, catching sight of... a sunny field of grass, actually, which surprised him for a moment.  
But before he could look any further, he was being sat down, ushered into place and the woman took her seat across from him, still smiling. And it should have been creepy. It wasn't, though. It was pleasant, and made him feel safe, which he detested, because Taako decided when he let his guard down, not this rando suit lady, and he felt his shoulders tighten, which she undoubtedly noticed.  
"Hi Taako. I'm Lucretia." she said sweetly, summoning up from below her desk a glass of water which she slid to him across the table. "How are you today?"  
Taako wanted to yell, he wanted to fight, but something, some last semblance of logic urged him not to. But he didn't know where he was or what was happening, so he opened his mouth and what came out was,  
"I'm great, thanks for asking."  
Which was very un-Taako like.  
And then,  
"Oh, one question, where am I, who are you, and what's going on?"  
More Taako-like.  
Lucretia gave a polite nod.  
"Right."  
She took a deep breath.  
"You, Taako... Tacco, are dead. Your life as a physical, mortal being has ended and you are now in the next plane, next stage of your existence."  
Of all things, Taako had not expected that.  
The train of thought that had been rocketing through his brain sort of... stopped. And it was very weird that he did so, and it made him very uncomfortable, but he believed her.  
"Dope." he said, a hint of surprise lingering in his voice.  
"I, uh, I have some questions, though."  
Lucretia chuckled.  
"I assumed you would."  
Where should he start? If this was real, if he really was in... the afterlife, there were so many questions to be answered. An entire new plane of existence to be understood, a life after death proven at last, perhaps an entirely new system of chemical compositions with different laws of physics and reality- but never mind that nerdy scientist bullshit, because Taako was down to clown and he did not care where he was as long as it was the space god lady afterlife equivalent of heaven.  
"How did I die? I, actually don't remember."  
Lucretia gave a more nervous chuckle, fiddling with her pen a little.  
"Yes. In cases of embarrassing or traumatic deaths, we usually erase the memory to allow for peace in your final destination, so to speak. Are you sure you want to know?"  
Taako nodded vigorously, leaning in a bit with his hands folded under his chin in a listening pose. Lucretia rose and summoned a tan file with a single piece of paper which she carefully studied, looking a little strange for second but regaining her composure.  
"You were racing an animated version of one of those little toy cars for children you can sit in, after transmuting the engines to nitrous. The power from the car blasted you into traffic, causing a massive truck to veer sideways and plow into an elderly home, the roof of which collapsed onto your cart."  
Taako shrugged. That sounded like something he would do.  
"Coulda been worse."  
Lucretia raised an eyebrow, and kept reading.  
"You crawled out from the wreckage, barely surviving, only to be hit by a second boosting toy car that snapped your neck and killed you instantly. Your body was disposed of by a roadkill remover."  
Taako winced a little at that one. Fair enough. Going out in a fiery blaze of glory outweighed the roadkill, in his opinion, though.  
This revelation was then followed by a question that was rather ironic given the death scenario that had just been presented, and Taako was aware, but he needed to know, so screw him.  
"So is this... you know..." he gave a thumbs up and a smile, gesturing hopefully towards Lucretia, who cleared her throat and set down the file, clearly happy to be getting back on track with questions she knew how to answer.  
"Well, I know you never adhered to any specific faith during your time on the planet, but you are familiar enough with the concept of heaven and hell, correct?"  
Taako nodded.  
"This system is something like that, I suppose. In particular it is more math and reasoning based, and less judgement based, but I doubt the main concern on your mind is how it works, but rather which... realm you are in, I assume?"  
Taako nodded again, more enthusiastic this time.  
Lucretia smiled.  
"I have good news for you, then. Your positive actions on earth have rewarded you with eternity in... The Good Place!"  
Taako nearly melted in his seat from relief, and if he wasn't so strangely calm, and relaxed, and not him, he would have definitely pumped his fist in the air, maybe even started dancing.  
He did, in fact, realize that might have been an inappropriate action.  
"I understand you have many more questions-"  
Taako laughed.  
"Uh, honestly Lulu? Not really. All you needed to say was 'heaven' and I was ready to kick it with you."  
Lucretia looked surprised.  
"Oh. Well- I... I'm glad you've taken quickly to the transition. It takes many residents more time to adjust."  
"Not Taako! I roll with the punches, my man." he exclaimed, leaning back in the chair and winking.  
Lucretia seemed.. quite a bit taken aback, but nonetheless pleased.  
"Well, if any more questions do resurface, there is an orientation meeting tomorrow morning."  
Taako sighed inwardly. Of course, most of heaven wouldn't have his sense of style and would be the kind of nerds who did orientation. In the MORNING.  
"Of course, you may replay it any day at any time. No activities are mandatory.  
This is the Good Place, Taako!"  
He was sold in an instant.

On the way to his house, the joy he had experienced was beginning to fade, leading him to worry if it had even been real at all. This place, its residents, had already proven it could and would alter his emotions at will and he needed to remember to stay in guard, despite the urge to just fall into the prospect of a perfect world. It was too good to be true, too good to be true he kept saying to himself and he knew, deep down, he was right.

The other seed of doubt was planted when Lucretia mentioned, brushing her fingers along a blooming rose, that "only the best of the best make it to the Good Place; humanitarians who've rescued orphans, children's cancer doctors who gave both their kidneys to a stranger on the bus, (for that particular mention, she waved to a well-groomed Muslim man walking along a stone riverside path across the field from them who gave them a cheery grin and a thumbs-up,) or anyone else who has shone themselves to be of the highest caliber of great. And you, Taako, are one of those people."  
Now, Taako didn't think he was a bad person, per say. He did what he had to do in the situations he was presented with. He never committed a serious crime, like murder. Well, not on purpose. At least not arson.  
Ok, maybe a little arson.  
Maybe he wasn't perfect. Whatever. He didn't believe he deserved hell, to be tortured forever, but he definitely understood he was guilty of a few sins here and there.  
"I guess this place is more chilled out than they say down there, huh? Y'all don't judge someone based on their human nature to be bad?"  
Lucretia looked a little confused.  
"Accidents happen? Seven deadly sins? That whole shebang?"  
She frowned, and shook her head.  
"Actually, Taako, the seven deadly sins are some of the best upheld standards of moral philosophy we use to base our point system off of."  
Well, fuck.  
Taako stumbled a bit in his step, and that was the first moment he realized that maybe, just maybe, something just wasn't where it was supposed to be.  
Lucretia shrugged off her serious tone with a smile, though, unbothered by his questioning.  
"Not that you would need to worry about that stuff. You made it here! Your trials, your suffering, your moral dilemmas; they're all over, Taako! And you did well. Perfect, one might even say. So you're in the perfect afterlife. Those who aren't..."  
Her gaze drifted a little.  
"Well, best not to worry about them."  
That, Taako could do.

When he got to his house, Taako eyed it suspiciously. They had reached the beginning of a sandalwood bridge leading into a beautiful white sand beach, with a redwood forest on the right and a lovely meadow of flowers and vines on the left. By all means, it was a nice place, and he could stand to live there, as much as Taako disliked nature. But his house...  
He eyed the home to the right, a massive woodworker's cabin with four stories, beautifully and intricately carved wooden beams and warmly lit, large windows. The roof reached high into the sky with a skylight and a wide, welcoming doorway with a cobblestone path leading up to it. It was.. charming. Not his style, but beautifully crafted nonetheless. On the left, a pastel, birch beach house that looked homey, with plants spilling out from all the windowsills and lots of old paths worn into the forest and the garden and the beach. It had a shower for seawater, a telescope, a little gazebo for prayer and lots of little knickknacks that spoke of the person inside.  
And in the middle.  
It was... remarkably ugly. With strangely painted red and blue and yellow panels and windows of different sizes and a sloped roof. It looked like it had been slapped together from like, ten different houses and it was a mess.  
"Perfectly tailored for you!" Lucretia exclaimed cheerfully, gesturing to the shack.  
Taako felt his ears droop.  
The inside was not much better, but at the very least, it was livable. There was a bed, a bathroom, all that house stuff, and all of it was... fine. But the rest of it was just hideous. Paintings of clowns up on the walls? No stairs, just ledges? Shag, red carpets? Who does that???  
Lucretia was enjoying what he assumed to be her handiwork, as the architect.  
"It's beautiful, isn't it? Your favorite paintings from your old home, lots of clowns! Your favorite architectural style... Everything to make it the best forever home!"  
Taako supposed if he squinted, it looked almost like something considered artistic, but it was definitely not... his. He sighed. Better than the gutter, I guess.  
"Yup! It's just... wonderful. I looooove clowns, homie."  
Lucretia grinned, and gave a small clap.  
"I'm so glad!  
Now, it's time for the best part of the whole procedure. See, Taako, here in the Good Place, we have a special way of making sure your stay is as happy as it can possibly be. When we organize these neighborhoods, we match up people based on qualities, point values, actions, every little thing about them from their freckles to the way their hair curls to make sure they are perfectly compatible for one another. But we make sure each resident is given... something more. Someone who is perfectly tailored to you, and who you are perfectly tailored for. Two people to live in perfect harmony, synchronized orbit. In other words, Taako, you have... a soulmate!"  
Taako blinked.  
The words sunk in.  
A soulmate.  
He'd never... had a soulmate before.  
There'd been hot assholes he'd hooked up with and some guys who dated him for his cooking and guys who he thought he loved but ditched him at the first sight of financial trouble, but... a soulmate? Back on earth, Taako vaguely recalled not believing in soulmates, not believing in love. (The memory felt fuzzy, as if it were... blurred out.) He recalled abandonment and rejection, but now... it seemed so far away. It was unfitting, like the memories of a stranger. And so he shrugged it off. This was heaven, for fuck's sake. Soulmates made sense because everything else made sense, in that it absolutely didn't but it was there nonetheless. So Taako blinked.  
And he nodded.  
And he waited.  
And Lucretia smiled again, that infuriating smile, and waved a hand.  
And there he was.

A tall, extremely fucking beautiful man with long, gold-banded dreadlocks, clear and smooth dark skin, what looked liked winged eyeliner (expertly done and Taako nearly fainted at it), sharp cheekbones and soft, dark brown eyes with a hint of honey colored shine. He wore a crisp black suit and a raven feather earring, formal black boots, and god, he was just so hot. Taako wasn't sure he would ever recover. The man looked a little embarrassed, shuffling his feet at Taako's warm gaze and dumbstruck expression, expertly avoiding eye contact.  
Lucretia cleared her throat.  
"This is Kravitz Branwen, your soulmate. Kravitz, this is Taako Tacco, your soulmate."  
Kravitz seemed too preoccupied to worry about Taako's name, which he appreciated. On the other hand, Kravitz was being awfully quiet.  
"Hey, hot stuff." Taako winked, and it was probably a poor choice, but fuck it. He didn't have to try with a soulmate. This poor motherfucker was stuck with him and he'd love him no matter what, and god, what a concept that was.  
Kravitz gave a wave.  
"Hi, Taako. I'm... uh, I'm excited to meet you!" he said a little awkwardly, but with some semblance of honesty.  
Taako just smiled back.  
“I know.”  
Lucretia cleared her throat.  
“Taako, your life has been extraordinarily remarkable.”  
She gestured to a large plasma TV, which clicked it on. Rather than displaying a home screen, or an idle animation, or a news program, this screen seemed to be showing… memories. Currently, filmed from what looked to be a chest or head camera, a man reached down to hold the hand of a child in a sandy, ripped tent and lead her into an armoured truck marked with a brilliantly red cross. The scene was crisp and the blaring sun and faint smoke and fire was vivid in Taako’s eyes as Lucretia said,  
“Your human rights mission in Ukraine, rescuing child refugees of war. Amazing stuff, earned a lot of points there.”  
Kravitz wandered up behind them, suddenly enthralled in the screen.  
“Wow.” he whispered as more memories flicked by.  
A dirty part of town, with graffiti lining the alleyways and trash scattered everywhere and boarded up windows as the same man stood between a man with a gun and an injured young couple.  
“You were shot as you successfully apprehended a notorious serial killer, saving the lives of two innocents.”  
Taako began to feel sick. Aw hell.  
Then, a dirty and unkempt doctor’s office packed to the brim with patients and those same hands held needles that sickened people reached for desperately.  
“Administering vaccines in impoverished cities in India and Pakistan.”  
Too many more scenes like that played through the screen, for far too long as Taako’s panic returned. He tried to keep his face straight and his hands unclenched as Kravitz continued to make amazed remarks and Lucretia read off the selfless acts of a person that was not him, but he felt like he might implode at any second.  
“What I’m trying to say, Taako, is that you are special. One of our highest total point scorers ever, along with Kravitz here. You two are made for each other, and I know you won’t be disappointed.” Lucretia finished with a smile.  
Taako wanted to disappear. He wanted to vanish somewhere that wasn’t this house with its ugly clown paintings and that didn’t have this woman with her haughty voice and these expectations, anywhere besides there. Even the cold streets of an abandoned town because there he felt like he belonged, there he understood what was going on, and he felt so much less overwhelmed.  
“Ok, yeah, thanks Lucretia, I’m all good here though. A-OK, down to clown, so to say, so, uh, I think you can leave me and Kravitz here to just.. chill. That good?” he rambled, slowly inching towards the doorway.  
Lucretia nodded.  
“Of course. I have other residents to attend to, and I have no doubt you’ll be wanting to settle in. Do remember, there is a welcome dinner tonight at 7, at your neighbor’s house! The lovely cabin, to your right.”  
Taako nodded frantically.  
“Right. I’ll be there, thankyoubyeee!”  
Lucretia slipped out the door with one last warm smile and a wave, the door shut with a smooth clunk, and then they were finally alone.  
Taako and his soulmate.  
Taako and Kravitz.  
Taako and a stranger.  
“So. Uh. What do you? Want to do?” Kravitz asked tentatively, rubbing behind his ear nervously.  
Taako looked around quickly, surveying the room for god knows what, security cameras? They were in heaven for fucks sake, but he checked anyway, and when his search came up empty, he leaned in close to Kravitz, surprising him.  
“Oh, I-”  
“Kravitz, you would trust me with anything, right?”  
Kravitz looked very, very stressed.  
“I guess? Yeah?”  
“You wouldn’t betray me for any reason, right?”  
Taako was very close to his face now.  
“N-no? Taako, I-”  
“Promise me!”  
Kravitz flinched, stepping back and putting his hands up.  
“Promise you what? A-are you-?”  
“Say you’ll never betray me!”  
The air was tense, and Taako’s finger was pointed accusingly in between Kravitz’s wide eyes as he stood motionless for a quick moment.  
“Ok, ok, I promise! What-”  
Taako relaxed his stance.  
“Ok good. Because somebody in this goody-two-shoes fake paradise royally forked something up. Those aren’t my memories, I’m not a hero, this isn’t my dream house. I’m not supposed to be here, Kravitz.”  
Everything was still.  
Kravitz stood shell-shocked.  
The air was frozen.  
Then Taako paused for a moment.  
“Why can’t I say fork?”


	2. Cocktail Parties Can Be Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz and Taako attend a party. It does not go well.

Kravitz was pacing. He pinched his nose and sighed, like he’d done several times already, and turned to face Taako, who sat with his arms crossed on a flat, hard couch that he hated, just like he hated everything else in the house.  
“So… what do you- what does this- I just… I don’t. Understand.” he said through gritted teeth.  
Taako took a deep breath.  
“I don’t know how many times I have to explain, nerd ash. I. Don’t. Belong. Here. I woke up, and that random lady… god, what’s her name? Luna? Lillian? Fork, her, told me I was in heaven. So I forkin’ rolled with it, but then she started showing me these rando’s memories and telling me they were mine, but trust me, they sure as shell are not. So either I got mixed up with someone else, or I’ve gotten some serious memory wiping done, and I seriously doubt its the latter.”  
It had been about thirty minutes or so of the same routine. Kravitz would look nervous and he would pace and ask questions as if the answer would be different on the third time, and everything would be ok. And Taako would answer, the same answer every time, and Kravitz would sigh even deeper and put his head in his hands. It was beginning to seem as if Taako had misjudged his soulmate, and he was, in fact, not hot and cool, and rather a stressed out form of a human turtleneck.  
“How hard is this to understand, homie?”  
Kravitz exhaled.  
“It’s not that it’s hard to understand, it's just- what am I supposed to do? You can’t put me in a position like this where I barely know where I am or what’s going on and expect me to know all the answers-”  
“I’m not asking you for all the answers! I’m asking your ash for advice! I don’t know what’s going on either, man. I’m probably more forking confused than you, but either way, now we’re in this mess of shirt together, and we’re gonna have to work to get ourselves out of it.”  
Kravitz dug his nails into his forehead, sitting across from Taako and tapping his foot frantically. He was silent.  
“What even was your job on Earth? Shouldn’t you be like, a forking orphan doctor who stopped a war and smuggled baby elephants across borders or something? Aren’t you inclined to help the needy?”  
“I was a moral philosophy professor! This whole situation is an ethical nightmare for me!”  
If he had less self-discipline, Taako’s mouth would have hung open. Are you fucking serious? Of all the people? Out of everyone in this paradise, all the war heros and doctors and shit, he had to get stuck with a fucking ethics professor?  
“Are you k-”  
Before he could finish, though, a chime sounded. A reminder on the TV read: “Dinner/welcome party in thirty minutes!”  
Kravitz dragged his hands down his face.  
“Great.”  
Taako gave a pensive sigh.  
“Ok. Let’s just go, I’ll muddle my way through this nightmare, and then when we get back, you can tell me how you changed your mind and had a revelation and can save me forever. How hard can it be to pretend to be a good person?” 

It was very fucking hard.  
Taako thought, clenching a glass of champagne that had most certainly been turned lukewarm by his sweating hands, standing in the threshold of the woodworker’s cabin, surrounded by beautiful carved artwork and at least fifty people who all thought they were better than him. And the worst part? They were right.  
“Hey there! You’re my neighbor, right?” exclaimed a rough voice that startled Taako from his nervous and rage-filled spiral, making him flinch.  
“Oh! Uh- y-yeah, little…uh, colorful house to your left. That’s us.” he said, forcing out a very fake and strained laugh as he gestured to Kravitz, who looked equally as uncomfortable, and was sweating profusely.  
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. My name’s Magnus. Burnsides. Welcome to your first day in the afterlife!”  
Taako surveyed the man suspiciously. He was tall, and muscular too, probably weighing twice the amount Taako did. He wore a neatly trimmed yet somehow shirtless suit, and it infuriated Taako that he was sort of pulling it off. His skin was tan and would be smooth, except his face and hands were littered with small, almost imperceptible scars save for one long, nasty looking one over his left eye, and it took all of Taako’s strength not to make an offhand comment about it. His hair was a deep auburn, thick and slightly curly, with well-groomed, standout sideburns that grew down his entire face and cut off at his jawbone. His face was warm and welcoming as gave a wide grin and greeted the two of them.  
“My name’s Taako. Just Taako.” he said curtly, despite Magnus’s polite gesture.  
“And I’m Kravitz Branwen. Uh, his soulmate.” Kravitz added quickly, moving awkwardly around Taako to shake Magnus’s hand.  
“I may as well be wearing a yellow trash bag compared to this.” Taako whispered resentfully as he looked around to see the attire of the other residents who’d already arrived, and Kravitz purposely did not respond, avoiding eye contact.  
As they said that, another person joined the conversation. An elf who had been wandering the home, not that Taako had really noticed until she suddenly appeared in front of them, and her gaze seemed hazy and lost.  
“Right! This is my soulmate, Leakhena. She’d introduce herself, but, ah-”  
Leakhena smiled, and bowed slightly.  
“She’s a Buddhist monk, and swore a vow of silence.”  
Taako was surprised by that as he looked her over. If it weren’t for the scarlet robe she wore with a thick golden sash, he would never have guessed she was a monk. She had an undercut and her hair spilled to the left side of her face, slashed with bright pink and purple highlights, and her face was peppered with piercing holes, lining her ears especially. She also had a tattoo on her ankle of two birds sitting on a wire, and not that Taako knew anything about Buddhist monks, but he could probably guess tattoos weren’t allowed. But hey, maybe she converted later in life. And died before her hair dye washed out.  
Kravitz waved politely at her, still taking in the gorgeous home with wide eyes. His wonder was interrupted by the chime of another doorbell, which Magnus excused himself to tend to. The dwarf who entered was alone, looking rather disgruntled and hurried, kicking sand out of his sandals and muttering curses under his breath.  
“Hey Merle!” Magnus said with a bit of a laugh as he surveyed his friend and his mussed up state.  
“Sorry I’m late, just, uh, got caught up. Y’know how it is. Time flies in the afterlife.” He chuckled, looking up, looking around, and realizing very quickly he was underdressed, brushing off his flowered shirt and shorts sheepishly.  
The two of them had a bit of a silent exchange, Merle looking at Magnus with an awkward should-I-go-change face, and Magnus responding with a nod and a little sorry-man grimace. Merle took the hint, waved at a very confused Taako and Kravitz, and ducked back out of the wide entryway.  
Magnus cleared his throat, and turned back to his guests, looking for a brief moment uncomfortable from their stares, before his regular friendly demeanor returned with a spring.  
“Oh! I know you two’ve just arrived, and I’ve already been here a week, so I can take you around to meet the residents, if you’d like. That, for example, was Merle Highchurch. He lives in the beach house next to you, and isn't a fan of formal attire.” he said, the grin returning to his face.  
“Uh, sorry buddy, I do-” Taako began.  
“We’d love that! Thank you very much.” Kravitz interrupted with a heavy, but subtle, kick to the elf’s shin.  
“Ow!” Taako hissed under his breath.  
“Good people are polite.” Kravitz snapped back, as Magnus waved them excitedly through the foyer.  
“Condescending as shirt.” Taako snorted quietly, but reluctantly shuffled forwards.  
As they walked, Kravitz eventually turned his gaze from the home to looking back and forth from Taako to Leakhena.  
“You know, you guys look kinda similar.” he pointed out, attempting for a little awkward small talk to break the tension, and to help him ignore the chatter that arose from other guests.  
Taako looked in surprise to study Leakhena’s face closer. He supposed he could see similarities; their noses and jawline had a similar curve, and her eye color was the same soft blue as his, but he couldn’t imagine them as being related or anything like it. It was just a coincidence.  
Leakhena nodded as Magnus thoughtfully looked them over. But before he could say anything, a couple holding hands approached them with a wave: a blue dragonborn wearing a long silver dress and a tall, muscular orc woman with a well-fitted jumpsuit and intricately braided hair.  
“Right! This is Carey,” he gestured to the dragonborn, “and Killian.” The orc.  
“So nice to meet you!” Carey chirped, shaking Kravitz’s hand, and then Taako’s after Kravitz glared at him until he extended it.  
“I’m Taako. Kravitz.” Taako said curtly, without any interest in starting a conversation.  
Killian nodded, seemingly unaware of his reluctance.  
“So what jobs did you guys have on Earth?” she questioned, using what must have been a popular casual question up here but caught Taako totally off guard.  
He hadn’t actually told Kravitz what he’d done for a living, but luckily the question was taken up.  
“I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy.” Kravitz said politely, which piqued Carey’s interest.  
“I was a teacher too!” she said with a smile.  
“Really?” asked Kravitz, who despite his stress was legitimately interested in meeting folks in the neighborhoodz  
“I taught at impoverished schools in Southeast Asia and Saharan Africa. The environment was rough, sure, and they were all just one-room schools with barely more than a single book, but it was the kids that made everything worth it.”  
Ugh.  
Taako drained his champagne with a grimace. It was going to be a long night.

The idea of meeting every single person at the party was a frankly exhausting and herculean task, which is exactly why Taako did not follow through with it. The second Magnus and Kravitz were distracted, he was gone, slipping away to the bar to pick up a few shots of tequila, which he considered himself lucky the bartender even had in stock, considering swearing wasn’t allowed here. Getting wasted was a common habit, and the feeling of hazy drunkenness falling over him was sweet relief.  
Apparently Kravitz did not share the same opinion, and grabbed Taako’s wrist once he found him in the crowd.  
“What are you doing?” he hissed, pulling the latest shot out of the elf’s grasp, despite his slurred protest.  
“Don’t like it here. These ashholes are forkin’… elitist.” he griped.  
The biting edge of his words were sort of diminished by the censoring, but Kravitz understood just fine.  
“What do you want me to do with you? It’s like… It’s like you want to get caught! I can’t help you out if you’re so forking focused on getting smashed at a cocktail party and insulting the other residents that you won’t even try to improve yourself.”  
Taako’s ears flicked back in anger.  
“I.. I can’t help that I don’t belong here, and you do. So if you’re sooo obsessed with doin’ the right forkin’ thing, then you’ll help me.”  
“Help you with what? Exactly?” Kravitz snapped.  
“‘Elp me belong here.” he spat out, as if he were disgusted by the words themselves.  
Kravitz was silent, as Taako reached out to snatch a handful of shrimp from a waiter carrying a plate of it, sort of making him wonder if the waiters were angels.  
“Those are for everyone.” Kravitz sighed.  
“Exactly. Everyone, including me.” Taako said, shoving a shrimp head in his mouth and taking another shot immediately after.  
The situation looked bleak, that’s for sure.  
Before long, there was a clink of a champagne glass from the main room, signaling the guests to a speech, and Taako, seeing Kravitz’s lost expression, reluctantly slid off the bar stool. He would absolutely never admit he felt guilty, because he didn’t. Instead, he brushed past his soulmate’s shoulder with arms crossed and head down, refusing eye contact but he could see Kravitz’s small sigh of relief, and god, he hated it. The cold air between the two men was stifling, and the anger radiating off each of them was palpable, so Taako did what he knew how to do, and he lost himself in the crowd and the haze of alcohol, barely processing the words out of Magnus’s mouth. He would only focus to mutter little insults to Kravitz, who would cough loudly to cover them up, awkwardly smiling at the folks who stood around him.  
The night had gone about as horribly as it could have gone without Taako completely giving himself away, in other words, and as Kravitz ushered his drunken partner out the door, his feet felt heavier than ever before.  
“Thanks for the party, Magnus!” he said with a nervous laugh, hastily throwing on his coat, as Leakhena appeared from some side room, surveying them with a careful eye that frankly made both of them deeply uncomfortable.  
Magnus waved cheerily.  
“Nice to meet y-!”  
He was cut off by his heavy door slamming in his face as the pair ran out into the calm darkness of the night.  
Well, “ran” is an exaggeration. Taako stumbled, Kravitz hurried. He almost wished they lived further away; their cozy neighborhood was just a smidge too well-observed, too close for comfort. The steps were climbed over, and Taako gave another colorful curse at the creative lack of stairs leading into his bedroom as he fell over them, causing a small clink as a fork fell out of his suit pocket.  
“Did… you stole the fancy silverware.” Kravitz said in disbelief, too worn out to protest he return it. (It was paradise, they could summon new ones.)  
He gave a pensive sigh, and wandered away as the elf happily took off his suit, ignoring the clattering, leaping into bed in his undershirt, which he then immediately regretted doing as the ceiling swirled in bubbling colors and his head pounded furiously. When he closed his eyes, the reds and greens and blues exploded.  
-  
He had thrown up.  
That he remembered. The rest of the night was a blur, and if he had space left for conscious thought, he would have resented how it was only the bad memories, and not the enjoyment of getting slammed that he remembered once it was all over.  
“Hey dipshit. Get up.” he heard a distorted voice call out.  
Taako’s only response was a retching sound.  
“Go the fuck upstairs. It’s unattractive to vomit in bar toilets.”  
“...We bought a room.” Taako hacked out.  
“I don’t fucking want it anymore. You shouldn’ta gotten yourself into this if you can't handle your brown. I ain’t gonna fuck a drunk mess.”  
“Go… go fuck yourself.”  
Silence.  
He was alone, and the rough voice from outside had left with some resounding footsteps. Taako could barely stand. He couldn’t think, couldn’t stumble upstairs to the bar rooming, and he felt like crying but it was stupid. He’d had worse nights. Nevertheless, the whiskey cried out for him, calling the name of his dickhead partner who frankly, Taako thought could fuck right off. He’d said it right there. But drunk Taako was so fucking alone, and so damn tired. So fucking wasted, and all he could hear was the slamming of his own heartbeat and nobody answered.  
He threw up again.  
-  
“I found some clothes. Think they should fit.” Kravitz said with a chuckle, laying a neatly folded pile next to Taako’s bed.  
He looked up, and opened his eyes.  
“You’re.. Still here?”  
Kravitz gave a little laugh.  
“Give me a little credit.”  
Taako sat up slightly.  
“No.. ‘t’s just… thought you’d wanna go home.” he snorted.  
Kravitz shook his head.  
“I figured you might die if I left you alone.”  
Taako waved him off, and then collapsed back into the bed that was too soft.  
It was quiet for a moment. Kravitz didn’t seem like he’d thought this through.  
Taako shifted.  
“D’you think anyone noticed when I died?” he asked, slurring his words just slightly.  
Kravitz was suddenly painfully aware of how sober he was. He was silent for an endless moment, and the air was sad and still.  
“I bet a lot of people cared when you… beefed it.” he laughed deliriously.  
Kravitz smiled.  
“Someone noticed, Taako. I promise.”  
Taako squinted and gave a little giggle.  
“‘T’s a nice thought, I guess.”  
Kravitz exhaled, and rose to leave, as the moonlight crawled through the blinds.  
“Thanks, Krav.” Taako sighed. “Raven boy.”  
Kravitz chuckled.  
“I thought it was a cool earring.”  
“Kinda cool. Kinda hot.” Taako whispered, poking at his sheets.  
“You know, my last name actually means raven.”  
Taako screwed up his face.  
“Brian? Br… Br... “  
“Branwen.” Kravitz supplied.  
“Bran. Raisin Bran.”  
A laugh.  
“Sure.”  
And then it was quiet. And dark. But it didn’t surround Taako. It was soft and comfortable, sort of. The sheets were cool, and of course amazingly comfortable. The silence stroked his eyelids closed, despite the protests of all his other organs.  
It was calm.  
It was peaceful.

-

When he woke up, however, it was most certainly not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is now 13 pages, which does not bode well for me if im gonna continue on the pattern of two pages per episode. i promise ill start being a lil more concise now :,), anyway dont worry i will indeed acknowledge magnus and julias past relationship and lup cant start being herself soon so yeah  
> hope u enjoyed!


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